7AM on a Friday morning, dipping into late August. Coffee continues to swirl in a tiny vortex at the center of the mug as I pull the wooden spoon from its warm, aromatic embrace. My brain whirls much in the same manner as I imagine prospects of a life I could be living. At any given moment, there are at least ten to twenty pages open on my computer – each page an insight as to the inner workings of my mind. Do these things really define who I am as a person? Maybe. Probably not. A different kind of window shopping. Penny for your clicks. So many things, projects, places I have yet to see or finish or start. But there is a common thread.
As much I as love being alone and thrive off the energy of being a self-described introvert, it does (by necessity) leave is void. A sense of community and belonging is something I have been seeking, be it ever so timidly. I am realizing the profound nature of self-discovery and learning how to be comfortable in your own skin, yet lately something tells me that I don’t have to go through these things alone. In fact, going it alone at this point would be a misstep. There are resources that offer guidance, and I’m off to find out what those are all about. Networking has never been a strong suite of mine, and I can count on my hands the number of people who know much of anything about me (unfortunately, Google probably knows me more intimately than most humans).
I’m not a social media maverick. I’m not ready or qualified to be a sales-representative for just any company. No, I don’t necessarily have 3-5 years of experience doing the specific thing that all these job applications require. I haven’t found or been given the chance to earn that experience. But at this point, I need to be involved. I need to DO something. BE something. Help someone (more than one someones!). Be somewhere. Learning. Always learning. I know that I have skills and experience and that I am valuable in some way, no matter what my meager resume might be struggling to say.
I think I’d like to go back to school, eventually earn a master’s/doctoral degree?? (B.A.s gotten me really far, eh?). Even getting to that point is a learning process. In the meantime though, I need to find myself in a place ready for action. Finding that balance of routine and spontaneity. Actually interacting and connecting with the community.
As a deliciously cool breeze wafts in through my apartment windows (respite from 90° days as of late), I take pause and breathe deeply. Everything is going to be okay.